It's Christmas!

Though, it still doesn't feel like it. This year was a weird one. I was the only kid at my parents for Christmas Eve, and Christmas morning. I'm feeling a little cranky, but nothing that won't pass soon enough.

This is just a quick entry, wishing everyone a Merry Christmas (or some Happy Holidays, whichever).

I have a wii and over four months of WoW gametime. No one will ever see me again.

Quarter-life crisis, still occuring.

Aaron, refusing to be gentle about it, tells me to just go back to school and stop complaining about never doing anything with my life. Which... is maybe true, but still a little harsh.

Step one will have to be graduating from highschool somehow. At this point in my life, I really hate myself for leaving. It would have been so easy -- all I needed was four optional credits. The mandatory maths, sciences, and english are done all ready. Four, god damn optional credits. I would also like to briefly blame my school for not offering very much on the side of optional.
Now, the question is "how do I go about doing this?"
I could, in all probability, get my G.E.D. I have the book at home (or the massive study-guide as I like to call it). But I worry that I'm no longer smart enough in the maths and sciences areas to pass a test. I was (and probably am) very bad at testing. Class work? No problem. Exam? Usually didn't do so well.
I could go back to school. One semester isn't that long. But go back to highschool... really? I could barely stand it the first time around. And, I really don't want to be a 23 year old still in highschool. There are probably Adult Learning Centre's out there, but will they offer non-mandatory credits? Yes. I will have to look into this via the internet.

Aaron also says that he's way ahead of me on the way to becomming a Librarian so there won't be much competition there for me. And that many couples go into the same fields and end up never seeing each other at work. Also, that he'll work in the better library anyway (such a little bitch).

I'm still on a need to be writing kick. But again, am not sure what to do about it. Most story ideas have left my brain in search of authors capable of finishing them. Blah, I'm getting a little angsty aren't I?

But whatever. School first, side projects second.

Let's see what's out there, shall we?

Meaning of life... stuff.

My sinus headache has gone away for the most part, but I can still feel it lurking just behind my eyes. It's a little uncomfortable.

I have a beer now, I'm about ready to bare my soul in regards to my life and my job...

I think I need to start deciding what to do with my life. What am I going to be? Shouldn't I have a vague answer to this question yet? When did you decide, or have you yet? I want to know all about it.

So... what am I going to be, what am I good at? What do I enjoy?
-Writing
-Reading/books
-History (ancient, not recent)
-Filing (both alphabetical and numerical)
-Photography
-Philosophy
-Mechanics behind film (projectors, theatre)
-Using my hands

Where do I go with that? What combines most of these things?
It feels like Library Sciences would be a good direction. I love books and library's and sorting books... but I know that Aaron is also interested in this field and with us being together (and living together soon) I feel like maybe I would fall into a competition that I would be unable to win/stand. And I don't want to feel as though I'm copying him -- although, I've been considering becoming a librarian for several years now it's just unfortunately convoluted.

I don't know. I'm 23 now, shouldn't I have a direction yet?

I wish I went to school. I'm so lost right now.

EDIT 1:10am
This is remarkably difficult. I don't even know where to start.

Oh for the love of...

Yes, God.
That would have been the third post in less than three days with the word God in it -- and we couldn't have that, could we? Not this close to Christmas.

But, Jesus-fucking-Christ, I'm having a rough night. I've got a sinus headache that makes me feel like my brain is trying to escape out of my nose and tear-ducts, and every door I've touched has broken in some way -- though, thankfully not the new safe door (which had to be brought in to replace the one I broke the door off of).
The door at the Fox tonight would just not fucking close. At all. It wouldn't lock and Travis and I tried for over an hour to lock it and perhaps in the process broke it more. Who knows? I'll find out tomorrow night.
And then... yes then, I came home in the hopes of getting some sleep tonight and my own fucking door wouldn't open. My key just wouldn't work. I had to wake up my tired, cranky, groggy, possibly sick roommate to open it for me.
What the hell is with me and doors?

In other news, for about three hours today I deeply considered buying a house in the beaches. Yes. Buying. I'm all grown up now (like hell). Aaron and I sat down (through e-mail) and discussed it, agreeing that 'what the hell, why not?' And then I talked to my mom about the actualities of buying a house and came to the conclusion that there's no way in hell we can afford to do that right now. Even if for some reason we managed to obtain a good mortgaging rate there would still be hydro and heat and water and bills to pay. I need a nine-to-five (what a way to make a living) job. One that pays more than what I make now. I needs some full time work.
Though... no, I wouldn't leave the Fox completely.

But... what to do with my life. What on earth do I want to be when I grow up?
None of my life's dreams are obtainable... so what do I settle for?
If you had to settle, what would you settle for?
How many times can I say settle this blog?

I'm tired now.

I'm slightly not looking forward to tomorrow. Too much to do and not enough time. The Boyfriend and the Roommate are helping my Dad move my new dresser here from my Grandma's place in the morning. At like 10:30. But before they get here I'd like to clean my room, the bathroom, and the hallway so that my Dad does not see the filthy hovel I live in. Also, it needs a good cleaning again. I put everything off while I was sick. Or I put it off because I wasn't at home. Either way, I put it off.

My cat is trying to tear up the carpet right now. I just threw a catnip toy at her. She is unimpressed.

EDIT:
Oh, also, I saw Snarky's family at the sushi place near my work. That is all.

Oh good god.

I'm getting all lethargic now.
Am not impressed.

Also, appear to be using Blogspot like I would Twitter.

God damnit.

I want to write.

But what about? I am without motivation or ideas.
Someone get to inspiring me already, would you?

I'm sorry, I've been playing WoW.

World of Warcraft. Yes.
Or, in otherwords, I have been playing the videogame equivelent of drugs. Hard, addictive drugs. I'm not sorry. It fills the vacant RPG-reliant section of my being at times where I'm not playing D&D. And I needs it.

In other news I have been down and out with what I would assume was the flu (is the flu?). I lost three days of work which I can't really afford to miss right now and am still not fully recovered. I have possibly the worst headache in the whole world and to remedy this I have been reading Transmet (I'm not at home, otherwise I would be undoubtably filling my time with levelling my Night Elf Hunter in her skinning and leatherworking skills). This reading explains why I am tempted to rant and rave like an absolutely insane journalist. Though journalism just doesn't do it for me, and never has. Like I'd want to know any more about this world and it's seedy doings. I'm sorry, that's not entirely true there are things that I enjoy. Like this:

Oh, Discovery Channel, you've done it again.

Well damnit. It won't load the page, so I can't embed it.

Work is... work. I still love it, hopefully that doesn't go away. Though I'm not especially thrilled right now as I will be loosing shifts in January -- the month that I need shifts the most what with the moving and everything. Hopefully I will not have to find a secondary job, I'd really hate that (as anyone who was around through the working at the Nutty Chocolatier and the Fox, or at the Nutty and Blockbuster will know -- it might have just been Brenda but, she's ruined my ability to trust two jobs at once). Yesterday one of my bosses called me a 'Fucking Godsend' so that's always nice. I should put that on my resume:

Carolyn Watson,
Fucking Godsend.


I think I have my new blog name.
That's a good way to end this post.