It's Christmas!

Though, it still doesn't feel like it. This year was a weird one. I was the only kid at my parents for Christmas Eve, and Christmas morning. I'm feeling a little cranky, but nothing that won't pass soon enough.

This is just a quick entry, wishing everyone a Merry Christmas (or some Happy Holidays, whichever).

I have a wii and over four months of WoW gametime. No one will ever see me again.

Quarter-life crisis, still occuring.

Aaron, refusing to be gentle about it, tells me to just go back to school and stop complaining about never doing anything with my life. Which... is maybe true, but still a little harsh.

Step one will have to be graduating from highschool somehow. At this point in my life, I really hate myself for leaving. It would have been so easy -- all I needed was four optional credits. The mandatory maths, sciences, and english are done all ready. Four, god damn optional credits. I would also like to briefly blame my school for not offering very much on the side of optional.
Now, the question is "how do I go about doing this?"
I could, in all probability, get my G.E.D. I have the book at home (or the massive study-guide as I like to call it). But I worry that I'm no longer smart enough in the maths and sciences areas to pass a test. I was (and probably am) very bad at testing. Class work? No problem. Exam? Usually didn't do so well.
I could go back to school. One semester isn't that long. But go back to highschool... really? I could barely stand it the first time around. And, I really don't want to be a 23 year old still in highschool. There are probably Adult Learning Centre's out there, but will they offer non-mandatory credits? Yes. I will have to look into this via the internet.

Aaron also says that he's way ahead of me on the way to becomming a Librarian so there won't be much competition there for me. And that many couples go into the same fields and end up never seeing each other at work. Also, that he'll work in the better library anyway (such a little bitch).

I'm still on a need to be writing kick. But again, am not sure what to do about it. Most story ideas have left my brain in search of authors capable of finishing them. Blah, I'm getting a little angsty aren't I?

But whatever. School first, side projects second.

Let's see what's out there, shall we?

Meaning of life... stuff.

My sinus headache has gone away for the most part, but I can still feel it lurking just behind my eyes. It's a little uncomfortable.

I have a beer now, I'm about ready to bare my soul in regards to my life and my job...

I think I need to start deciding what to do with my life. What am I going to be? Shouldn't I have a vague answer to this question yet? When did you decide, or have you yet? I want to know all about it.

So... what am I going to be, what am I good at? What do I enjoy?
-Writing
-Reading/books
-History (ancient, not recent)
-Filing (both alphabetical and numerical)
-Photography
-Philosophy
-Mechanics behind film (projectors, theatre)
-Using my hands

Where do I go with that? What combines most of these things?
It feels like Library Sciences would be a good direction. I love books and library's and sorting books... but I know that Aaron is also interested in this field and with us being together (and living together soon) I feel like maybe I would fall into a competition that I would be unable to win/stand. And I don't want to feel as though I'm copying him -- although, I've been considering becoming a librarian for several years now it's just unfortunately convoluted.

I don't know. I'm 23 now, shouldn't I have a direction yet?

I wish I went to school. I'm so lost right now.

EDIT 1:10am
This is remarkably difficult. I don't even know where to start.

Oh for the love of...

Yes, God.
That would have been the third post in less than three days with the word God in it -- and we couldn't have that, could we? Not this close to Christmas.

But, Jesus-fucking-Christ, I'm having a rough night. I've got a sinus headache that makes me feel like my brain is trying to escape out of my nose and tear-ducts, and every door I've touched has broken in some way -- though, thankfully not the new safe door (which had to be brought in to replace the one I broke the door off of).
The door at the Fox tonight would just not fucking close. At all. It wouldn't lock and Travis and I tried for over an hour to lock it and perhaps in the process broke it more. Who knows? I'll find out tomorrow night.
And then... yes then, I came home in the hopes of getting some sleep tonight and my own fucking door wouldn't open. My key just wouldn't work. I had to wake up my tired, cranky, groggy, possibly sick roommate to open it for me.
What the hell is with me and doors?

In other news, for about three hours today I deeply considered buying a house in the beaches. Yes. Buying. I'm all grown up now (like hell). Aaron and I sat down (through e-mail) and discussed it, agreeing that 'what the hell, why not?' And then I talked to my mom about the actualities of buying a house and came to the conclusion that there's no way in hell we can afford to do that right now. Even if for some reason we managed to obtain a good mortgaging rate there would still be hydro and heat and water and bills to pay. I need a nine-to-five (what a way to make a living) job. One that pays more than what I make now. I needs some full time work.
Though... no, I wouldn't leave the Fox completely.

But... what to do with my life. What on earth do I want to be when I grow up?
None of my life's dreams are obtainable... so what do I settle for?
If you had to settle, what would you settle for?
How many times can I say settle this blog?

I'm tired now.

I'm slightly not looking forward to tomorrow. Too much to do and not enough time. The Boyfriend and the Roommate are helping my Dad move my new dresser here from my Grandma's place in the morning. At like 10:30. But before they get here I'd like to clean my room, the bathroom, and the hallway so that my Dad does not see the filthy hovel I live in. Also, it needs a good cleaning again. I put everything off while I was sick. Or I put it off because I wasn't at home. Either way, I put it off.

My cat is trying to tear up the carpet right now. I just threw a catnip toy at her. She is unimpressed.

EDIT:
Oh, also, I saw Snarky's family at the sushi place near my work. That is all.

Oh good god.

I'm getting all lethargic now.
Am not impressed.

Also, appear to be using Blogspot like I would Twitter.

God damnit.

I want to write.

But what about? I am without motivation or ideas.
Someone get to inspiring me already, would you?

I'm sorry, I've been playing WoW.

World of Warcraft. Yes.
Or, in otherwords, I have been playing the videogame equivelent of drugs. Hard, addictive drugs. I'm not sorry. It fills the vacant RPG-reliant section of my being at times where I'm not playing D&D. And I needs it.

In other news I have been down and out with what I would assume was the flu (is the flu?). I lost three days of work which I can't really afford to miss right now and am still not fully recovered. I have possibly the worst headache in the whole world and to remedy this I have been reading Transmet (I'm not at home, otherwise I would be undoubtably filling my time with levelling my Night Elf Hunter in her skinning and leatherworking skills). This reading explains why I am tempted to rant and rave like an absolutely insane journalist. Though journalism just doesn't do it for me, and never has. Like I'd want to know any more about this world and it's seedy doings. I'm sorry, that's not entirely true there are things that I enjoy. Like this:

Oh, Discovery Channel, you've done it again.

Well damnit. It won't load the page, so I can't embed it.

Work is... work. I still love it, hopefully that doesn't go away. Though I'm not especially thrilled right now as I will be loosing shifts in January -- the month that I need shifts the most what with the moving and everything. Hopefully I will not have to find a secondary job, I'd really hate that (as anyone who was around through the working at the Nutty Chocolatier and the Fox, or at the Nutty and Blockbuster will know -- it might have just been Brenda but, she's ruined my ability to trust two jobs at once). Yesterday one of my bosses called me a 'Fucking Godsend' so that's always nice. I should put that on my resume:

Carolyn Watson,
Fucking Godsend.


I think I have my new blog name.
That's a good way to end this post.

Talk to the bomb...

First off, Shock & Awe was fantastic. Dark Star was/is possibly the most hilarious sci-fi movie I have seen in a while. On every internet communications medium I have written, 'talk to the bomb. Teach it phenomenology.' And now you know what it's from. I want a shirt that says that. /obscure?

Though, as usual, post-Shock & Awe had me working for eleven hours -- on top of the thirteen I spent watching the movies. Yes, that's 24+ hours at the Theatre with no sleep. I still think it was worth it -- even if I spent all of last night with a high fever and a horrible headache (at work again). I think (I hope) I've slept it off today. Went to bed at eleven last night and didn't officially wake up until around 2pm.

I'm still looking at apartments online even though the official move date is not going to be until this coming February. I really can't help it. And I keep finding these gorgeous places that are within my spending limit that will probably be gone by then. It's both frustrating and satisfying. I want to paint and decorate.

I took my cat Locke (or Lockeheed, if I'm trying to comfort her) to the Vet last Monday for her shots... which I should have done years ago but was a very bad pet-owner. I feel much better about taking care of her now and want to do everything I can to keep her happy and healthy. That's another reason why I can't wait until February -- it will be nice to see her nightly and I know that Aaron will spoil her rotten. He loves cats.

I think that's pretty much it for me today. I'm just trying to kill time until Aaron comes home from work.

While...

I wait on my episode of CSI to load, I am going to pimp out my theatre to any of you fine folks happening upon my blog.

First off, you can find it here: Fox Theatre.
Or, read somethings about movies and stuff here: Barely updated.
Hell, you could join the Facebook group if you'd like (and hear about all of our fantastic movies and events: This is it.)

But that's not why I'm here. I'm here to tell you about the coolest, most awesome movie experience ever (for all time). And that, my friends, would be SHOCK & AWE: The ultimate grindhouse experience. For those of you who follow me on Twitter, you will know by now that I am storing energy and trying to get enough sleep (which is hard with the work-week I've had) to last all night again. Yes, again. Five months ago we had the first with Dead Alive headlining -- and this time... oh, this time we've got Toxic Avenger! Not to mention some horror, some blaxploitation, and some porn. Also! For the first time ever a secret movie that will be revealed at approximately 3am (I know what it is, but that would ruin the fun).

So, if you're bored Saturday night and feel like staying up all night watching sleazy, creepy, hilarious, and often nauseating movies come on by! (You can find us at the corner of Beech and Queen East). The show starts at 11:30pm and goes all the way till the next morning (ending at around 11am give or take).

/End pimping.

Already falling behind...

I'm really bad at this blogging thing.

Okay, so, starting at Halloween.
I went out with Aaron to the Done Right Inn on Queen West with my sister. It's pretty much the regular family bar. But in an odd family way. In the all of us have had some sort of sexual relationship with at least one person there (and, occasionally the same person) way. Aaron went as a priest, and I last-second changed my costume to a Catholic school girl. It was just too good to pass up.
I then got more drunk than I have been in a very long time, I lost my shoes somewhere and didn't actually stop being drunk until sometime in the wee hours of Sunday morning (where I was awakened by the need to throw up for a few hours -- it was horrible).

After the weekend, I worked a lot. Like I do.

Yesterday Dave, Aaron, Neil and I started play testing D&D 4E -- which is fantastic. I missed playing RPG's so very badly. Aaron is a Eladrian Wizard, Neil's a Dragonborn Paladin, and I am an Elven Ranger (I know, not the most original race/class combo -- but I do insane amounts of damage which is Awesome).

Otherwise I am excitedly anticipating February, and sooner than that, this Saturday for the Fox Theatre's Shock & Awe late night to early morning Grindhouse film festival.

Halloween.

No idea what I'm doing yet -- but! I have a costume idea (finally)...

/obscure?

Lets just hope that I can get it done on time. I'm pretty excited about this plan.

Continued excitement and a little sappy.

So, I talked to Neil (my roommate) this morning re: living with Aaron. He seems to be okay, and I hope he's not just putting on a brave face about it. The timeline is set to February -- although, we'll be getting together and talking about it on Wednesday. And, February seems so far away. I wish it was tomorrow... but that would be jerky of me, and also, wouldn't give me much time to pack.

But! This is not why I wanted to post tonight.

I wanted to post tonight because I have no stopped thinking about Saturday night and how absolutely fantastic it was. So, here I am about to go into more depth...

We were woken up on Saturday morning by two little (adorable) munchkins jumping on us, which was followed by delicious pancakes and morning drinks at my brothers (by morning drinks, I of course mean beer. No, just kidding. Coffee and tea). Then Dave (the brother of mine) drove us back to Aaron's place -- where Aaron and I went straight back to bed until noon or possibly later. In between then and seven (when we left) we did stuff like... you know, have sex. He played on the internets for a bit and I played an awful lot of Sudoku.

Then we headed downtown to watch Repo! Which mostly meant standing in line until the show had started. I hooked Aaron up with a free VIP pass (because I work in the industry) and sent him on his way -- which caused the other people in line to tell me that I was a fantastic girlfriend. He watched the movie and I browsed a used record store (right beside the theatre).

When the movie ended we just walked. We walked around the downtown a little (and through the Annex on our way to Queen). We window shopped and held hands and he tried to keep me warm. It was just this perfect night... that is apparently hard for me to explain. But... in the end, it has kept me smiling for at least two days now.

And... I have to stop. I could talk about Aaron until my laptop runs out of power (and longer if there was anyone left to listen).

I hope that everyone else has had a good weekend too!

Excitement!

Aaron has agreed to move in with me. Wait, that sounds like I was forcing him. Okay, Aaron has decided that we should be living together. Does that sound better? Yes.

I am beyond excited. I'm so excited that I want to pick out furniture and colour schemes. I have been thinking about nothing else except all of the weird domesticated things I would like to do in our apartment. Simple things like... I want to make him dinner, or, I want to buy the newspaper on Saturday's and do the crossword at the kitchen table. This is absolutely nothing like me, and I love it!

Just a few hitches, of course, like always. But hopefully nothing too big. I want to be living with him in January, February at the latest... of course, I have a roommate currently and I don't know how he'll react to this -- but! this is what's best for me, Aaron, my cat, and also this wonderful relationship I'm in.

Oh, I need to calm down... it's still months away. I certainly have to start saving up money for first and last again.

Otherwise, things have been good. Spent some time with my brother and his wife/kids on Friday. Had a fantastic lunch with my mom on Friday afternoon at Mahari (or something that sounds like that) downtown -- I had chicken curry). Saturday I spent with Aaron. We went to see Repo! at the Bloor... it was way too busy. I didn't get in, but I got a VIP pass from one of my bosses and that got Aaron in at least. And then we went for a walk downtown and it was an absolutely perfect night. 10/10.

And now, now I need sleep. For, I have to wake up early to catch Neil and talk to him since the morning is the only time when we'll both see each other.

Good night, and all that.

More life stuff. The good, the bad, the... emotional?

Yesterday night was a mix of really good and really bad. Which is usually how my luck works out. (Though, the night ending on a good note was just perfect).

After the dentist I had to go to work. Which in itself is not a bad thing, I love work, and my job, and the people. It's really just dealing with self-righteous assholes every day that gets my back up -- but really, what else should I expect, I live in the Beaches... one of the richest, snobbiest areas in Toronto (I find). There was just one guy last night who made me feel like my authority as the Manager wasn't valid. I wish, I wish I would have kicked him out -- but my trip to the dentist prior had left me feeling vulnerable and weak and I (for once) was just not capable of being the usual 'I won't put up with your crap, get out of my theatre' person that I usually am whilst at work.

That confrontation put me in an even worse place. Also, I should mention that the dentist put me on antibiotics last week and according to my pharmacist, it completely negates the effects of my birth control -- so my hormones are all like 'omg wtf'. My mood swings are pendulous (I hope I'm using that word right). And my poor Aaron was welcomed home -- not by me mauling him (in a sexy way) right as he came through the door (like I had wanted to) -- but instead by me crying myself straight into a asthma attack, and without my emergency puffers too.

But, as always, he talked me through it and calmed me down.

I'm still stressed out today. My money situation is getting worse and worse -- and with a $5,000 dentist bill on the way, I'm not feeling too confident in anything. (Deep breaths Carolyn, deep breaths). On the bright side, he and I started looking at possible (cheaper) apartments. Not to say that moving in together is a sure thing yet (and I'm not getting all of my hopes up just in case) but, at least we're going to sit down and discuss it. Living with Aaron is incredibly important to me right now. It would be wonderful to see him every day -- and also fantastic to have my cat Locke somewhere where I'm able to give her all of the affection she deserves every single day instead of only seeing her a few times a week.

I have to stop writing, this is a long and serious post. Also, I have to get to The Watcher Comics to help my brother with the order.

Elections, life stuff, and et cetera.

As is the usual, Aaron, Neil and I went to the pub last night to witness the election results... but really, what was the point. Hurray for spending millions of dollars and having nothing change at all. Though, I'm still deeply saddened by the amount of seats that the Conservatives stole (got, I mean got) Canada needs a new voting system, the percentage of votes versus the percentage of seats is ridiculous. I mean, according the the percentages the Bloc was beaten out by both the NDP and Green -- but looking at the seats... what happened? Blargh. I am not a happy voter.

Also, in news (more personal than political), I just got back from the dentist. It will cost me over $5,000 to fix the problems with my teeth. Note to readers: this is what happens when you don't see the dentist for four years because you have no insurance. She (the Doctor) tried to freeze me and BAM! I became pale and shaky and my heart sped up; I was very close to passing out in the chair. Apparently that is very very rare. Needless to say, we didn't accomplish very much today. Again, blargh.

On the bright side, I saw Aaron last night and will be seeing more of him tonight post-work. He can't get enough of me (and certainly vice-versa) it is an amazing feeling to be wanted this much.

Completely early resolutions for next year (starting this year).

Re-posted from a note on Facebook, but have decided that it's an excellent way to start this blog...

(in no particular order)

- Get my drivers license, so that I may bring Aaron back home to Sudbury to see his mom whenever he'd like to go (and not have to take that horrible bus ride). Also, to carry myself to Brampton and provide a chauffeur system for my sister and her two kids. Not to mention allowing me to get out and finally see this wonderful country of mine.

- Get new glasses, so that I can see properly. Also, these ones are cracked and the lenses are about ready to fall out. I've had them since grade ten, and I know it will be weird wearing a different pair after all this time, but I think it's important to my eye sight.

- Go back to school. University, or college. I miss learning things so terribly. And though I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, I wouldn't mind taking courses that I will probably never use in the business world (like Philosophy and Astronomy).

- Force myself to sit down and actually write something. Not even necessarily a complete book. Just anything. Writing is another thing I miss terribly, and it's an easily fixed thing.

I reserve the right to add things as they pop into my head.